WHAT IF FOOD WAS DIRTY AND SEX WAS CLEAN?

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What If Food Was Dirty And Sex Was Clean?

When you think of it, there are only two things you need to make people. You got to have sex. You got to have food. That’s it. You don’t need clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it’s sex and food. But for some reason, sex is “dirty”. Maybe God was a Republican. Somebody said, “All right, you want to propagate, go ahead, but only late at night, with all the doors closed, the lights off, the man on top — once a week, and that’s it.”

RECORD YOUR PRECIOUS MOMENTS.

But not only can you eat the charred decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: “Hey, Chuck, why don’t you come over on Sunday? We’re going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids. We’ll have a hell of a time.”

What if they had been switched around? What if, through a simple twist of fate, sex was clean but food was dirty? Our entire culture would change. Food would become a four-letter word.

When people got angry at you, they’d yell out “Oh yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper.”

Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork.

Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. “Ohmigod. It’s a pepperoni.”

Locker room talk would change. “Hey, man, how’d you do this weekend?” “Two burgers and a bag of fries. Crinkle cut.” “Ooooohhhhhhh, sweet!

Garlic would be illegal in most Southern states.

Supermarkets would check I.D.’s and charge admission to the poultry section.

Frederick’s of Hollywood would feature peekaboo napkins and day-of-the-week paper plates.

Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.

Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. “All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the buns, mister.”

Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and a lot of them would move to the Bay Area.

Hookers would become cooks. You’d be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in day-Glo aprons. “Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna crack some crab?”

Fudamentalist Christians would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet.

Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.

Parents would tell their children not to play with their food or they’ll go blind.

And most of all…

Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

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Improve your health through essential oils

photo of a glass of whiskey over a lavendar background

Why do so many abuse drugs and alcohol?

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

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Just A Wee Bit

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Just A Wee Bit

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry an extraordinarily beautiful woman so they could produce gorgeous children beyond compare.

With that as his mission, he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters, that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

“Well,” the Redneck simply replied, “they’re all lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Why don’t you look ’em over and pick the one you want?”

The man was ecstatic and decided to take each one out to dinner to size them all up. The first night he dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a wee bit — not that you can hardly notice — pigeon-toed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

“Well,” the man replied, “she’s just a wee bit — not that you can hardly tell — cross-eyed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry.”

The redneck gave his blessing, so the couple was wed immediately. Months later their first baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

“Well,” explained the Redneck, “she was just a wee bit — not that you could hardly tell — pregnant when you met her.”

 The author has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

Improve your health,increase your wealth

Improve your health,increase your wealth

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

A Penny for Your Thoughts

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A Penny For Your Thoughts

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

 

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle.”

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

“Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg.”

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”

“Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

“Aye,” said the lad.

The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

Angus blurted out, “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often. It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

 

Heavenly Bran Muffins

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Heavenly Bran Muffins

An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise.

When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they “oohed and aahed,” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven.”

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, “What are the green fees?”

Peter’s reply, “This is Heaven, you play for free.”

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

“How much to eat?” asked the old man. “Don’t you understand yet? This is Heaven, it’s free!” Peter replied with some exasperation.

“Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, “That’s the best part — you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like, and you never get fat or sick. This is Heaven.”

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

church and state

There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant concerning  the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about what they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

 

Dating in 1959

Dating in 1959

It’s the summer of 1959 and Harold goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Harold’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo.

When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue’s mother answers and invites him in. “Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?”

He does, and Peggy Sue’s mother asks Harold what they’re planning to do.

Harold replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy Sue’s mother responds, “Why don’t you kids go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Harold and he stammers “Really?

“Sure,” says Peggy Sue’s mother, “We know Peggy Sue really likes to screw; why, she’d screw all night if we let her!”

Harold’s eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes, and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date out the front door while Mom is saying, “Have a good evening kids,” with a small wink for Harold.

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her mother:

“Dammit, Mom! Twist! The Twist! It’s called The Twist!

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

George Koritzer

The Lost wisdom of our Ancestors

Golfballs.com Custom Golf Products

I Need a Push

I Need a Push!

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3 o’clock in the morning!He slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?” she asks.

“No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it’s pouring out there!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”

The man does as he is told: he gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes!” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.

“OK. Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here,” replies the drunk, “on the swing!”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

 

Photography Prints

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The Difference Between Men and Women

A Difference between Men and Women

On Friendship between women:

A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house.

The man called his wife’s 10 best friends.

None of them knew about it.

 

On Friendship between men:

A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house.

The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends.

Eight of them confirmed that yes, he had slept over. And two claimed that he was still there!

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

modern walk

A Modern Day Walkabout



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