You Know You’re a Redneck When

 

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties. Enjoy the Good ol’ days!

You Know You’re a Redneck When…

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter..

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center..

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years..

You burn your yard rather than mow it..

The Salvation Army declines your mattress..

Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one..

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it..

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial..

You come back from the dump with more than you took..

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table..

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat..

Your grandmother has “Ammo”on her Christmas list..

You’ve been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

 

Art Prints

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

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Kids Say the Darnedest Things Part 2

Art Prints

 

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?”
A little girl called out, “That’s the flag of our country.”
“Very good,” the teacher said. “And what is the name of our country?” ‘Tis of thee,” the girl said confidently.
*
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was that?”
*
Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn’t make up their
minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, “Just bring them bread and water.”
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, “Can I have ketchup on it?”

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

*
A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, “No, I’m the lonely child.”
*
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.
We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
*
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it  about?”
he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
*
I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet,  so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask
what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.
But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Eating Fingers

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

This one is for all of you who either:
a) have kids
b) have grown kids
c) were a kid
d) know a kid!

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point, she said, “Daddy, look at this,” and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, “Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers!”
pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, “What’s wrong honey?”

She replied, “What happened to my booger?”

Photography Prints

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Short Runway

Sell Art Online

 

The airliner from Moron Airways was preparing to land at O’Hare Field.

The pilot radioed the control tower that he thought the runway was too short to land on. The tower radioed back that it was more than long enough.

In a few minutes the pilot again radioed about the runway length, only to receive the same reply. On final approach, the pilot radioed again that he thought the runway was too short, only to receive an exasperated reply that the runway was long enough and to go ahead and land.

Sure enough, the plane touched down and ran into the passenger terminal, resulting in major damage and great loss of life.
After the plane came to a halt, the pilot turned to the co-pilot said, “See, I told them the runway was too short”.

To which the co-pilot replied, “Yeah, but did you see how wide that it was?”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Pancake Breakfast

Art Prints

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first
pancake. I can wait.'”

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

photos of the US virgin islands

The beautiful Islands of Saint Thomas and Saint John

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

I Want to be a Minister

photos of the US virgin islands

The beautiful Islands of Saint Thomas and Saint John

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up.”

“That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?”

“Well,” said the little boy, “I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Photography Prints

 

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Idiot Sightings

Photography Prints

 

Sighting #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”

I said, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled and nodded knowingly, “That’s why we ask.”

Sighting #2:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.

She responded, appalled, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?”

Sighting #3:

At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to “right-sizing,” our manager spoke
up and said, “This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often.”

Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #4:

I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

photo of El Morro

The beautiful island of Puerto Rico

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.