Stupid Laws 2

 

Nebraska
A parent can be arrested if his child cannot hold back a burp during a
church service.

New Mexico
Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public.

New York
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking
“at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a
“pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

North Dakota
Beer and pretzels can’t be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.

Ohio
Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.

Oklahoma
Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.

Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.

Dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate in groups of three or more on private property.

Pennsylvania
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.

No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife.

Texas
A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.

It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.

Vermont
Lawmakers made it obligatory for everybody to take at least one bath each week – on Saturday night.

Washington
All lollipops are banned.

A law to reduce crime states: “It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town.”

West Virginia
No children may attend school with their breath smelling of “wild onions.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo of Siesta Key beach

A photo story of the sunshine state, Florida

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

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I Live in Phoenix

 

Sell Art Online

 

May 30th: Just moved to Phoenix. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. (Uhhhh yeahhhh cuz I couldn’t stand up) It was beautiful. I’ve
finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No
more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. (Keep Commin’ Back – dummy)

July 4th: We drove up on South Mountain to take in the view overlooking the city to the north and the surrounding farmlands
on the Indian reservation to the south. I counted no less than 18 of those mini-tornados of the desert called dust-devils. This must be the southwest’s version of fire-works.

July 10th: The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this heat? (LOLLLL) But getting used to
the heat is taking longer than I expected. At least it’s kind of windy around sundown everyday. Yesterday all the trees on our street were knocked down by the wind blast. They tell me that only occurs once in a while.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 2nd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing
to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Jerry (our cat) sneaking into the car when I  left this morning. By the time I got back to the hot car for lunch,
Jerry had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that he ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and Kitty poop. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind stinks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in darn house payments and we can’t even go inside. I
didn’t know that I was allergic to massive amounts of mosquito bites. How do they survive the heat? I feel like I am living in a
Pizza oven. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It’s 113 degrees. Finally got the air- conditioner fixed  today. It cost $500 and is bringing the temperature down a little.
Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th: If another wise Dude cracks, “…but it’s a dry heat”, I’m going to tear his throat out. Darn heat. By the time I get to work
the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a dead cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. I tried to lift my butt off the seat by grabbing on to the steering wheel and got third degree burns on my hands!! Now my car smells like some kind of burnt offering and fried cat guts.

Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a darn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do crap for 2 darn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this barren darn desert?? Because of the water rationing $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the darn pool. Even the cactus can’t live in this heat.

Aug. 11th: We saw our first sand storm today. They even showed it on TV as it blew across the valley. A wall of dust 12,000 feet
high advancing on the metropolis like something out of a Japanese science fiction movie. They never told us that it is frequently accompanied with light rain and hail. The car NOW looks like it was used in some kind of mudhog derby. The light aluminum awning I put up for shade looks like someone tested a couple of thousand ball-peen hammers on it. And it only cost $150 to have the pool filter replaced.

Aug. 12th: I got the water bill today. $536 and that’s because I tried to keep the cactus alive and the pool’s automatic filler never
shuts off. We have been trying to keep the area around our house a little cooler with this new misting system that everybody says works. All I see when I turn it on is a cloud from the roof line to about eye level that disappears into steam.

Aug. 13th: Today we got the electric bill. $642 for running the air conditioner day and night to cool the house down to about
90 degrees.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the darn windshield out
of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, “…but it’s a dry heat”, My husband had to spend the $1500 house payment to
bail me out of jail.’

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

You Know You’re not a Kid anymore when

 

You Know You’re Not a Kid Anymore When…

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
*
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
*
Your back goes out more than you do.
*
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
*
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
*
You are proud of your lawnmower.
*
Your best friend is dating someone half his age…and isn’t breaking any laws.
*
You call Olan Mills before they call you.
*
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
*
You sing along with the elevator music.
*
You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
*
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
*
You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
*
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
*
People call at 9:00 pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”
*
You have a dream about prunes.
*
You answer a question with, “Because I said so!”
*
You send money to PBS.
*
You still buy records, and you think a CD is a certificate of deposit.
*
The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of you pants.
*
You take a metal detector to the beach.

Art Prints

*
You wear black socks with sandals.
*
You know what the word “equity” means.
*
You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
*
Your ears are hairer than your head.
*
You talk about “good grass”, and you’re referring to someone’s lawn.
*
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
*
You got cable for the weather channel.
*
You can go bowling without drinking.
*
You have a party, and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Dumb Criminals

Sell Art Online

 

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
*
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.
*
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
*
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn’t  realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
*
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.
*
The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he  couldn’t have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.
*
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn’t need a warrant because a “bulge” in Christopher’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge
could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
*
Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever, but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of the truck.
*
Oklahoma City – Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, “I should have blown your [expletive] head off.” The defendant paused,
then quickly added, “– if I’d been the one that was there.” The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.
*
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver’s license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
*
Police in Chicago sent Cubs tickets to people with outstanding arrest warrants. When they arrived at the game, they were promptly arrested.

The life and times of a Parcel Redistribution Specialist

capiture of a ups driver making a delivery

A UPS driver making a delivery to a beautiful blonde

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Superbowl

 

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium — he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?”

The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?”

The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“Well, that’s really sad,” says Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?”

“No,” the man replies, “they’re all at the funeral.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

photo of Siesta Key beach

A photo story of the sunshine state, Florida

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

You Know You’re a Redneck When

 

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties. Enjoy the Good ol’ days!

You Know You’re a Redneck When…

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter..

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center..

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years..

You burn your yard rather than mow it..

The Salvation Army declines your mattress..

Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one..

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t want it..

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial..

You come back from the dump with more than you took..

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table..

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat..

Your grandmother has “Ammo”on her Christmas list..

You’ve been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

 

Art Prints

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Kids Say the Darnedest Things Part 2

Art Prints

 

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, “What flag is this?”
A little girl called out, “That’s the flag of our country.”
“Very good,” the teacher said. “And what is the name of our country?” ‘Tis of thee,” the girl said confidently.
*
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was that?”
*
Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn’t make up their
minds about what they wanted to eat. Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, “Just bring them bread and water.”
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, “Can I have ketchup on it?”

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

*
A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, “No, I’m the lonely child.”
*
A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing
made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.
We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she
said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
*
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it  about?”
he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
*
I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet,  so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask
what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct.
But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.