Elementary My Dear Watson

 

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.”Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.”

 

Sell Art Online

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Advertisements

Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery

Sell Art Online

 

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
*
Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
*
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?
*
Hand me that… uh… that uh… thingie…
*
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
*
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this
stuff before?
*
There go the lights again…
*
Ya’ know… there’s big money in kidneys… and this
guy’s got two of ’em.
*
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
*
Could you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing
my concentration off.
*
What’s this doing here?
*
I hate it when they’re missing stuff in here.
*
That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
*
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
*
Sterile, shcmerle. The floor’s clean, right?
*
OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a
freak of nature.
*
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
*
Don’t worry. I think it is sharp enough.
*
What do you mean, “You want a divorce”!
*
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
*
Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
*
Isn’t this the one with the really lousy insurance?

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

 

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Just Follow the Directions

 

The following are actual instructions found on the named items:

ON HAIRDRYER INSTRUCTIONS: Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX: Fits one head.

ON TESCO’S TIRIMISU DESERT: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the
bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not Iron clothes on body

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate
machinery

ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID): Warning: may cause drowsiness

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out of children

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: For indoor or
outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: Not to be used for the other use

ON SAINSBURY’S PEANUTS: Warning: contains nuts

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: Instructions: open packet,
eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

Art Prints

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

photos of the US virgin islands

The beautiful Islands of Saint Thomas and Saint John

You Know You’re a Redneck When: Part 2

 

You Know You’re a Redneck When…(Part 2)

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem..

You’ve bathed with flea and tick soap..

You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog..

Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell..

You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture..

You took a fishing pole to Sea World..

You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program..

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold..

You have a rag for a gas cap..

Your father executes the “Pull my finger” trick during Christmas
dinner..

Sell Art Online

Your house doesn’t have curtains but your truck does..

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean..

You can spit without opening your mouth..

You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

photo of Siesta Key beach

A photo story of the sunshine state, Florida

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Lost Little Boy

 

 

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?”

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?”

“Yes”, whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?” the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes”, came the answer.

“May I talk with her?” Again the small voice whispered, “no”.

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. “Is there anyone there besides you?” the boss asked the child.

“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman”.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked “May I speak with the policeman”?

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”, asked the boss. “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman”, came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A hello-copper”, answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?”, asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper”.

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “Why are they there”?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: “They’re looking for me.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Ten Comandments

Sell Art Online

 

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to “honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

You Know You Live in California When

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

You Know You Live In California When…

You make over $250,000 a year and still can’t afford a house.

It’s sprinkling outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all
the weather-related accidents.

Your child’s third grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is
named Breeze.

You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown,
and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

The guy in line at Starbucks, wearing the baseball cap, sunglasses, and
looks like George Clooney, IS George Clooney.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

It’s sprinkling out, and there’s a report on every news channel about “THE
STORM!”

Over 85% of the cities, towns, and streets start with San, Los, El, La,
Santa, De La, or De Los.

Two overcast days in a row drive you mad.

A family of four owns six vehicles.

Everyone who lives here knows that hurricanes, tornadoes, floods and
snowstorms are way worse than earthquakes, which are, after all, over
almost as soon as you realize what’s happening.

Even if the store is across the street, you drive there.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.