My Kid Said That

 

 

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to
maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked
sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation,
“Pray for me! Pray for me!”
*
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer “Dear Harold”.        At this, dad interrupted and said, “Wait a minute, How come you called God, ‘Harold'”? The little boy looked up and said, “That’s what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.”
*
And this particular four-year-old prayed: “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
*
During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: “Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?” Gary answered soberly: “I asked God to teach me to whistle…
And He just then did!”
*
One night Mike’s parents overheard this prayer. “Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow’s test, if I should die before I wake, that’s one less test I have to take.”
*
A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes.” When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if He was paying attention tonight.”
*
A little boy’s prayer. “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”
*
A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
*
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” I wouldn’t know what to say,” the little girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say, ” the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said, “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?
*
Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. “Fine,” said the pleased mother. “If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you.” “Oh, I didn’t ask Him to help me not misbehave,” said Johnny. “I asked Him to help you put up with me.”
*
A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if You can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

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The Greek Priest

 

A Greek priest is driving down to New York to see a show, and he’s stopped in Connecticut for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath, sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and asks, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

The minister replies, “Just water.”

The trooper asks, “Then, why do I smell wine?”

The minister looks down at the bottle and exclaims, “Good Lord, He’s done it again!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Photography Prints

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Rocket Scientists

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military
jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.
The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements
were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into
the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer’s backrest in
two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA’s response was just one sentence, “Thaw the chicken.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Burglar, (Joke)

 

 

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder.

As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”
(“Turn from your sin and be baptized”)

The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar, “She said she had an AX and two 38’s!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Atheist and the Loch Ness Monster

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

The Athiest and the Loch Ness Monster

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster.

In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air then opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help me!”

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place and, as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down
from the clouds.

“I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

“Come on God, give me a break!,” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!”

Then the Atheist continues, “God, please let the Loch Ness Monster become religious.”

God replies, “So be it.”

The scene starts up, atheist falling.

The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says,”Lord, I thank you for this dinner I am about to receive.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

 

Signs on Church Property

religious jokes to make you laugh your head off.

Signs on Church Property

“No God — No Peace. Know God — Know Peace.”
*
“Free Trip to Heaven. Details Inside!”
*
An ad for St.Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands  holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.”
*
“People are like tea bags — you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.”
*
“God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.”
*
“When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.”
*
“Fight truth decay — study the Bible daily.”
*
“Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives”
*
“Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the  pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.”
*
“Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.”
*
“If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.”
*
“If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”
*
“Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.”
*
“This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?” ———> (U R)
*
“Forbidden fruit creates many jams.”
*
“In the dark? Follow the Son.”
*
“If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”

More jokes on my website.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Clinton Meets the Pope

 

Clinton Meets the Pope

During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days.

Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success.

He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed.

Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.

A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement.

He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced
his meeting with the President was a failure.

Incredulous, one reporter asked, “But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed”.

Exasperated, the Pope answered, “Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.