Teen Essays

Teen Essays

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

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8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy! comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

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National Park Questions

 

National Park Questions From The Intellectually Challenged

Grand Canyon National Park

      • Was this man-made?
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    • Do you light it up at night?

Everglades National Park

        • Are the alligators real?
        • Are the baby alligators for sale?
        • Where are all the rides?
      • What time does the two o’clock bus leave?

Mesa Verde National Park

        • Did people build this, or did Indians?
        • Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
        • Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
        • What did they worship in the kivas — their own made-up religion?
      • Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park

        • How much of the cave is underground?
        • So what’s in the unexplored part of the cave?
        • Does it ever rain in here?
        • How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
      • So what is this — just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park

        • Where are the cages for the animals?
        • What time of year do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
        • What happened to the other half of Half Dome?
      • Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Denali National Park

        • What time do you feed the bears?
        • What’s so wonderful about Wonder Lake?
        • Can you show me where yeti lives?
        • How often do you mow the tundra?
      • How much does Mount McKinley weigh

Yellowstone National Park

        • Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
        • How do you turn it on?
        • When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
      • We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

You Know You're addicted to Coffee When

1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

2. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

3. The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

4. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using
the timer.

5. You lick your coffeepot clean.

6. You spend every vacation visiting “Maxwell House.”

7. You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you
don’t even work there.

8. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

9. You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
margaritas.

10. You can jump-start your car without cables.

11. All your kids are named “Joe.”

12. Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”

13. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

14. You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

15. People get dizzy just watching you.

16. When you find a penny, you say, “Find a penny, pick it up.
Sixty-three more, I’ll have a cup.”

17. The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.

18. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

19. You’re so wired, you pick up FM radio.

20. Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”

21. Instant coffee takes too long.

22. When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”

23. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity
in a coffee can.

24. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

25. You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.

26. You name your cats “Cream” and “Sugar.”

27. You get drunk just so you can sober up.

28. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

29. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

30. You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

31. You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.

32. You don’t tan, you roast.

33. You can’t even remember your second cup.

34. You introduce your spouse as your “Coffeemate.”

35. You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

 

 

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You Know You've Had Enough of the Nineties When

you tried to enter your password on the microwave.
*

…you now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
*

…you haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
*

…you have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
*

…you e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is
ready, and he e-mails you back “What’s for dinner?”
*

…your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
*

…you chat several times a day with a stranger from South
Africa, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor
yet this year.
*

…you didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you
posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
*

…your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your
college roommate used to play.
*

…you check your blow dryer to see if it’s Y2K compliant.
*

…your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking
you to send her JPEG files of your newborn so she can
create a screen saver.
*

…you pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone
to see if anyone is home.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

money photography

 

Free Bag 3

Some Great Useless One Liners

Some Great But Useless One-Liners

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost
and blamed it on the cost of living.

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Laughing stock – cattle with a sense of humor.

You can’t have everything, where would you put it?

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
world’s population.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by
those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of
12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.journeysthrulife.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

best of times

The best of times

A narrative about what life in The United States was in our golden era, and how it became what it is, and offering solutions to enable us to once again travel the path to freedom and self reliance.

I think it's raining

I Think It’s
Raining

A Russian couple was walking down the street
in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining” he
said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me” she
replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument
about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a
minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not
fight about it”, the man said, “Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether
it’s officially raining or snowing.”

As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph,
is it officially raining or snowing?”

“It’s raining, of course!” he replied, and walked
on.

But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like
snow!”

The man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain,
dear!”

Follow me on Kindle and laugh along.

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The Truth is

The Truth
Is….

Stupidity got us into this mess – why can’t
it get us out?
*
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred
grand.
*
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both
be
changed regularly and for the same reason.
*
There is always death and taxes; however death doesn’t get worse
every year.
*
I don’t mind going nowhere as long as it’s an interesting
path.
*
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
*
If it ain’t broke, fix it till it is.
*
I don’t get even, I get odder.
*
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to
it.
*
I plan on living forever. So far, so
good.
*
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
*
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for
it.
*
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but
eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
*
You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
*
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to
ask you the questions.
*
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at
the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
*
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes
alone.
*
Life not only begins at forty, it begins to
show.
*
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because
you stopped laughing.

laugh along on your Kindle.

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