A Redneck Love Poem

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

A Redneck Love Poem

Collards is green, my dog’s name is Blue
and I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry jist a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff” right out of the can.

photo of waterfall gardens

Waterfall Gardens

You have some’a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I’m in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo’re there fer yore man,
to patch up life’s troubles and fix what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug a-buzzin‘ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection, like the best vinyl sidin’.
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin’.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger. “That’s impressive,” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,” they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds…… IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!!

The blogger has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

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extreme redneck

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Extreme Rednecks

Your favorite oNLINE store.

You’re An Extreme Redneck If…

 

  • You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
  • You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
  • You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
  • Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey all y’all, watch this!”Your junior prom offered day care.You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
  • You’ve ever lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
  • The Halloween Jack-o-Lantern on your porch has more teeth than you.
  • You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
  • One of your kids was born on a pool table.
  • You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
  • You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
  • Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.”
  • You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
  • Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
  • You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments welcome

Improve your health, Increase your wealth

Improve your health, Increase your wealth

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

The Redneck Vacation

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Redneck Vacation

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.”

“Well, what are you going to do, then?” Luther asks.

“Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.”

“Yeah,” Luther agrees.

“Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Earlene got pregnant again.”

“I remember,” Luther says.

“Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn’t get pregnant again.”

“Yep,” Luther says. “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

“Well,” Billy Bob says, “this year I’m taking Earlene with me.”

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures. Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website, http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them

 

You Know You're a Redneck Part 3

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..

You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
quota..

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
on the side..

The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Walmart..

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV..

You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler..

You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table..

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart..

Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always
brings you home..

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
improvement..

You’ve used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty..

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph..

Somebody tells you that you’ve got something in your teeth and you
take them out to see what it is.

The Complete Calvin and Hobbs

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

 

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You Know You're a Redneck Part 2

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem..

You’ve bathed with flea and tick soap..

You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog..

Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell..

You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture..

You took a fishing pole to Sea World..

You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program..

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold..

You have a rag for a gas cap..

Your father executes the “Pull my finger” trick during Christmas
dinner..

Your house doesn’t have curtains but your truck does..

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean..

You can spit without opening your mouth..

You consider your license plate personalized because your father
made it.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

Photography Prints

 

You know You're A Redneck Part One

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a
flyswatter..

Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center..

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years..

You burn your yard rather than mow it..

The Salvation Army declines your mattress..

Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor.
to spare a loved one..

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don’t
want it..

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial..

You come back from the dump with more than you took..

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table..

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat..

Your grandmother has “Ammo”on her Christmas list..

You’ve been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

Sony Camcorder

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Photography Prints

Redneck Book of Manners

Tips From The Redneck Book Of Manners

General

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re completely certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

3. Belching “to make room for dessert” is frowned upon.

Entertaining In Your Home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

3. Waking the children to come out so you can show guests “they ain’t got no birth defects” is impolite. (And bringing them out to show guests that they do have them is considered very rude.)

Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. (However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.)

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 p.m.; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

Weddings

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving

1. When sending your date down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to also bring back beer.

2. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

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