You Know You’re Too Stressed If

 

You Know You’re Too Stressed if…

Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest.
*
You can achieve a “Runners High” by sitting up.
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You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
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The Sun is too loud.
*
Trees begin chasing you.
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You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
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You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip solution of espresso.
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You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
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You can hear mimes.
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You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
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Things becomes “Very Clear”.
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You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
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You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
*
You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
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The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
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You keep yelling “STOP TOUCHING ME!!!” even though you are the only one in the room.
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Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
*
You and Reality file for divorce.
*
You can skip without a rope.
*
It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
*
You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can’t quite find the words for them before
the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
*
You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
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You can travel without moving.
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Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
*
You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

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You Know You’re Getting Old When

 

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.

The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like you were out all night but haven’t been anywhere.

You get winded playing cards.

Your little black book contains only names ending in MD.

You join a health club and don’t have the strength to go.

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You need glasses to find your glasses.

You get your hearing aid mixed up with the suppository.

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Your knees buckle but your belt won’t.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine
chest.

You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

God will Provide

God Will Provide

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.
After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his study for a
drink.

“So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar,” he replies.

“A Torah scholar. Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live
in, as she’s accustomed to?”

“I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”

“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”

“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancée.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”

The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Haircut

 

The Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.”

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your Bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair….”

To which his father replied, “Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

 

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Sell Art Online

Two Old Friends

capiture of a ups driver making a delivery

A UPS driver making a delivery to a beautiful blonde

Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition.

The successful one said, “How has everything been going with you?”

“Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I’m as rich as Rockefeller.”

The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, “Chapter Eleven.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

 

Warning Signs

 

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: “Warning: Do Not Drive With
Sun Shield in Place”
*
On an infant’s bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.
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On a package of Fisherman’s Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as
a substitute for human companionship.
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On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.
*
On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.
*
On a cup of McDonald’s coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.
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On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.
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On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake.
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On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker.
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On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.
*
On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed.
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On a can of Fix-a-Flat: Not to be used for breast augmentation.
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On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling
charge, for a total of $4.97.
*
On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.
*
On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.
*
On a calendar: Use of term “Sunday” for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.
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On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.
*
On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.
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On syrup of ipecac: Caution: May cause vomiting.
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On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only.
*
On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear.
*
On children’s alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

You Know You’re a Redneck When:

 

You Know You’re a Redneck When…(Part 3)

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..

You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota..

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side..

The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Walmart..

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV..

You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler..

You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table..

You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart..

Your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home..

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement..

You’ve used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..

You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty..

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph..

Somebody tells you that you’ve got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.