Idiot Sightings

Photography Prints

 

Sighting #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?”

I said, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled and nodded knowingly, “That’s why we ask.”

Sighting #2:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street.

I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.

She responded, appalled, “What on earth are blind people doing driving?”

Sighting #3:

At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to “right-sizing,” our manager spoke
up and said, “This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often.”

Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Sighting #4:

I worked with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

photo of El Morro

The beautiful island of Puerto Rico

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

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Blonde Jokes, Old Joke, New Twist

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes.

They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days.
Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. 51 days, 51 days, 51 days.

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high fives, all the while chanting 51 days, 51 days, 51 days.

The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table.

There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the “Cookie Monster.”

When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes. “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?”

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us, so we decided to set the record straight.

Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days'”.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Sell Art Online

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way, he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

My Forgetter

photo of green stairs

Beautiful courtyard in St. Martin

My Forgetter

My forgetter’s getting better
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I’m “here” I’m wondering
If I really should be “there”
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven’t got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say, “What am I here for?”
I wrack my brain, but all in vain
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say “Hi” and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself “who was that?”
Yes, my forgetter’s getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it’s driving me plumb crazy
And that isn’t any joke.

capiture of a ups driver making a delivery

A UPS driver making a delivery to a beautiful blonde

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way, he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

 

Is It Better to be Single or Married

 

photo of El Morro

The beautiful island of Puerto Rico

The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single or Married?
Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children
(ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute and very enlightening,
thus proving that all we need to know, we probably learned in kindergarten.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?
“Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
*
“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.”
(Tommy, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike,10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the
wedding.”(Jim, 10)
*
“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
*
“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:
“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
*
“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:
“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
*
“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes to long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:
“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
*
“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
*
“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a longtime.”
(Christine,9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:
“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Golf Match

photo of a golf course in Brookville Indiana

Brookville Golf Course

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. “Your Holiness”, said
one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit
shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.”

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. “Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent
me?” he asked.

“None that plays very well,” a Cardinal replied. “But,” he added, “there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we’ll also win the match.”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. “I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, ” said the golfer.

“Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,” said the Pope.

“Well, your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even though I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.

“There’s bad news?”, the Pope asked.

“Yes,” Nicklaus sighed. “I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by seven strokes.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

photo of El Morro

The beautiful island of Puerto Rico

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

More Science Facts

 

photo of El Morro

The beautiful island of Puerto Rico

Answers given by 11-year- olds on science exams:

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
*
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
*
For fainting, rub the person’s chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
*
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
*
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
*
To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
*
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it stops in your throat.
*
To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.
*
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
*
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
*
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
*
The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
*
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
*
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
*
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
*
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

Things You Learn From Your Kids

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20-foot room.

3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh,” it’s already too late.

4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

5. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak – it explodes.

7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

8. LEGOS will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

9. Super glue is forever.

10. McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.

11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

12. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

13. VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

14. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

15. The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5 minute response time.

16. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

17. It will however make cats dizzy.

18. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way, he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.