Top Ten Signs You're Too Old For Halloween

Top 10 Signs You’re Too Old for Trick or Treating

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and
fall over.

6. People say, “Great Keith Richards mask!” and you’re not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, “Trick or…” and can’t remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won’t dislodge your
hairpiece.

2. You’re the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

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Chinese Fireworks

I heard that when Marco Polo first opened
the
trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets.
Now, these weren’t quite the fireworks we now know, but they did
shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty
patterns.



Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made
fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for
him.

“Not here!” they said. …very confusing. Until ol’ Marc came upon
an
ancient military fortification at the community of Chu’Lai. Here,
fireworks were launched every night, and Marc was very
impressed!

But still he wondered, “Why here?” At the end of every week, people
came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So
Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their
fireworks.

Marc’s guide replied: “Why honored Sir, … We always set off
fireworks on the Forts of Chu’Lai”

 

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

 

The informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

Sell Art Online

Three Blondes and Easter

Sell Art Online

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter.
He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to
tell him what Easter represented.

The first blonde said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”

St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.

The second blonde said, “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts.”

St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.

The third blonde said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said,
“So, tell me.”

She said,” Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples,when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder…

St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.”

Then the blonde continued, “Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball.”

St. Peter fainted.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hardcover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

church and state
There has been much debate over the years about what the founding fathers meant about the separation of church and state. In recent times there has been much disinformation about how they actually believed, especially George Washington. In this short Ebook the author tries to explain how they actually felt.

 

New Year's Resolutions it's easy to keep.

New Year’s Resolutions That You Can Really Keep

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep?

Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish?

Here are some example resolutions that you can use as a starting point.

1. I want to gain weight — at least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less (it makes you think — eww!)

4. Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more (starting tomorrow).

6. Drink. Drink some more.

7. Take up a new habit — maybe smoking.

8. Spend more time at work (surfing the web).

9. Stop bringing lunch from home — I should eat out more.

10. Start being superstitious.

11. Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.

12. Create some loose ends.

13. Buy more tech toys (need to replace obsolete ones bought 6 months ago).

14. Get further into debt (easy thanks to #13).

15. Wait for opportunity to knock.

16. Focus on the faults of others.

17. (Mainly, but not exclusively, for women): Eat more chocolate.

And the Absolute Easiest New Year’s Resolution to Keep:

18. Don’t believe politicians.

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Y 2 K

Sarah’s Memo

TO: The Boss
FROM: Sarah
SUBJECT: Changing Calendars from Y2K



I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be
honest,
none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have
finished the conversion of all the months on all the company calendars for
next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to
be
distributed with the following new months:


Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk


I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak


We are now Y to K compliant.

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Bad News From Santa

Bad News from Santa Claus

To Whom it May Concern:

Mrs. Claus and I regret to inform you that effective immediately, I
will no longer be able to service the Southern United States on
Christmas Eve. Due to overwhelming current population of the earth, my
contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin
and Michigan.

As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with
your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls. However, there are a few
differences between us, including:

1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from
Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads: “These toys insured by Smith & Wesson.”

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave a RC Cola and peanut patty (or a Moon Pie) on the fireplace. And
Bubba doesn’t smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus’ sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin’ coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen’s head now overlooks Bubba’s fireplace.

4. You won’t hear “On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen…” when
Bubba Claus arrives. Instead you’ll hear, “On Earnhardt, on Wallace, on
Martin and LaBonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliot and Petty.”

5. “Ho, ho, ho!” has been replaced by “Yee Haw!” And you also are likely to hear Bubba’s elves reply, “I her’d dat!”

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus’ sleigh does
have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words, “Back
Off!”

7. Bubba Claus doesn’t wear a belt. If I were you, I’d make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.

8. Bubba Claus refuses to wear the standard issue Santa cap because
he says it makes him look like a girly-boy. He has been granted
permission to wear a white Stetson with a red band instead, as well as
black cowboy boots.

Sincerely Yours,

Santa Claus
(Member, North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)

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Christmas and Hanukkah to Merge

Christmas and Hanukkah to Merge

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
acquisitions, it was announced today that Christmas and Hanukkah will
merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for
about 1,300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that
the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
spokesman say, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality
service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is
being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids
a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the
agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be
replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the
message on the dreydl will be the more generic “Miraculous stuff
happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use
Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and
delivering gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least
three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could
leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for
dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared
Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover
of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out
that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger
between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair
cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said,
Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed
the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of
“Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful”.