You Know You’ve Had Too Much of the 90s if

You Know You’ve Had Enough of the 90’s When…

…you tried to enter your password on the microwave.
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…you now think of three espressos as “getting wasted.”
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…you haven’t played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
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…you have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
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…you e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he e-mails you back “What’s for dinner?”
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…your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
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…you chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven’t spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
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…you didn’t give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
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…your daughter just bought a C.D. of all the records your college roommate used to play.
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…you check your blow dryer to see if it’s Y2K compliant.
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…your grandmother clogs up your e-mail Inbox, asking you to send her JPEG files of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
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…you pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home.

photo fo two people, a child and an adult looking at a sunset over the ocean

Life was a lot slower and simpler in the fifties and sixties.

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

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I’ll Drink to That

 

I’ll Drink to That!

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:

“Shall We Gather at the River.”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

 

My Kid Said That

 

 

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to
maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally the father picked the little fellow up and walked
sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer the little one called loudly to the congregation,
“Pray for me! Pray for me!”
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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer “Dear Harold”.        At this, dad interrupted and said, “Wait a minute, How come you called God, ‘Harold'”? The little boy looked up and said, “That’s what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, “Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.”
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And this particular four-year-old prayed: “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
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During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: “Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?” Gary answered soberly: “I asked God to teach me to whistle…
And He just then did!”
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One night Mike’s parents overheard this prayer. “Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow’s test, if I should die before I wake, that’s one less test I have to take.”
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A five-year-old said grace at family dinner one night. “Dear God, thank you for these pancakes.” When he concluded, his parents asked him why he thanked God for pancakes when they were having chicken. He smiled and said, “I thought I’d see if He was paying attention tonight.”
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A little boy’s prayer. “Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we’re gonna be in a big mess.”
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A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy: “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
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A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?” I wouldn’t know what to say,” the little girl replied. “Just say what you hear Mommy say, ” the mother said. The little girl bowed her head and said, “Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?
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Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. “Fine,” said the pleased mother. “If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you.” “Oh, I didn’t ask Him to help me not misbehave,” said Johnny. “I asked Him to help you put up with me.”
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A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if You can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am!”

Growing up on a dairy farm in southeastern Indiana, Gary traveled very little until midlife, when the opportunity became available to him.

Grabbing his camera and a bag full of equipment, he began his vision quest traveling to most areas of the United States and several countries abroad.

Along the way he collected several thousand photographs that he wants to share with everyone.

http://www.travelnsnap.com

Gary decided the best way to accomplish his goal was to publish photo documentaries on the various areas of the world he has visited.

What will follow will be several photography books, who knows how many will wind up in his collection.

To contact Gary:

journeysthrulife@gmail.com.

http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

The Wedding

 

 

 

Available on Amazon and various other ebook formats

photo of golf ball on a yellow tee.

Make money selling golf balls

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs by his
side.

She said, “What are your golf clubs doing here?”

He looked her right in the eye–and said, “This isn’t going to take all day, is it?”

Gary has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

An Eight Year Old Explains God

“One of God’s main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die so there will be enough people to take care of things here on earth.

He doesn’t make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way, He doesn’t have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk, He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God’s second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times besides bedtime. God doesn’t have time to listen to the radio or TV on account of this. Since He hears everything, not only prayers, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn’t go wasting His time by going over your parent’s head asking for something they said you couldn’t have.
Atheists are people who don’t believe in God. I don’t think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren’t any who come to our church.

Jesus is God’s Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn’t want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind like His Father and He told His Father that they didn’t know what they were doing and to forgive them and
God said OK.

His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn’t have to go out on the road anymore, He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of himself without having to bother
God. Like a secretary, only more important, of course.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to hear you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.
You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there’s anybody you want to make happy, it’s God. Don’t skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach.
This is wrong! And, besides, the sun doesn’t come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don’t believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can’t go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can.

It is good to know He’s around you when you’re scared in the dark or when you can’t swim very good and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids. But you shouldn’t just always think of what God can do for you.
I figure God put me here and He can take me back anytime He pleases.

And that’s why I believe in God.”

Gary has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

Canadians and the war on Terror

Canadians and the war on terror

The Canadians are going to help America with the war on terrorism. They have pledged 2 of their biggest battleships, 6000 ground troops,  and 6 fighter jets.

Unfortunately, after the exchange rate conversion, we ended up with 2 canoes, 1 Mountie, and some flying
squirrels.

The misadventures of a Parcel Redistribution Specialist, (UPS) driver

Gary has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

 

What Do I Do Now? UPS

Written By: Gary Wonning

We normally delivered to the Ford Garage in Osgood from the alley that ran between Buckeye Street and Walnut Street, the next street west. Consequently, I would normally catch whatever houses I had parcels for that were across the alley from the Ford garage. This particular day two teenage daughters of the Baptist minister were sunbathing in their backyard, lying face down with their bikini tops unbuttoned. As I rushed across the back yard I noticed this peculiar circumstance and was in a quandary as what to do.

I tried to make some extra noise to alert them of my presence, but their radio was blaring from some teeny-bopper station and they never heard me. Getting closer, I sensed what was going to happen, but short of throwing a rock at them, I was at a loss as to what to do next.

Finally, the inevitable happened, they spotted me and jumping up and grabbing their bikini tops, while letting out a blood curling scream. I handed one of them the clipboard and pen, politely asked her to sign for the parcel, and quietly slunk off into the horizon. With memories and illusions that would last a lifetime, I never saw either of them again.

Gary has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments are welcome

photo of sail boat in the Caribbean

Four mast Sail Boat