The Drunk Trickster

The Empire State Building

A man gets off the elevator at the bar on top of the Empire State Building. He is bowled over by the splendor and the view. He orders a drink, and then remarks about how there’s a large open window with no guardrails or anything — someone could fall a long way!

“There’s no problem with that, it’s completely safe!” says a man dressed in a sharp suit, glasses and a fedora. “Even if you fell out, the building creates a strong updraft current that will bring you right back to safety!”

“Huh?” the man says, incredulous.

“Sure, let me show you!” the man at the bar says, stepping to the window and allowing himself to fall right out.

“Oh my gosh!” says the newcomer. He bends over to look out the window to see what happened just as the man comes back up in the wind, right into the window, and lands right on his feet! Even his fedora is still firmly in place.

“That’s amazing!” he says. “Does it happen like that all the time?”

“Yep, I’ve done it many times,” says the square-jawed man. He offers to hold the newcomer’s drink while he tries it.

“Here goes nothing,” the newbie says. He leans out the window and falls out of the building — and all the way to the street where he goes Splat! The man in the suit says “tsk tsk tsk” and drinks the man’s cocktail.

“You know,” the bartender finally says to the regular, “you’re really a mean bastard when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

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Quotable Quotes

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I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my
mother took me to see him
in a department store, and he asked for my autograph. –Shirley
Temple
*
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it
would
probably be Labor Day Weekend. –Doug Lars


*

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
don’t need it. –Bob Hope
*

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their
fellow man, and I hate people like that! –Tom Lehrer
*

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and
then
I thought: What good would that do? –Ronnie Shakes
*

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both
incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by
dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. –Rod Serling
*

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving
birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. –Sam Levenson
(1911-1980)
*

Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor
well-done. –Ernie Kovacs
*

Always remember this: If you don’t attend the funerals of your
friends, they will certainly not attend yours. –H.L.
Mencken
*

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel
tells
us the truth about its author. –G. K. Chesterton
(1874-1936)
*

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the United States,
unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine milimeter
bullet. –Dave Barry
*

This isn’t right. It isn’t even wrong. –Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper
submitted by a physicist colleague
*

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open
and
the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than
money. –Joey Bishop
*

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate
it.
–Franklin P. Jones
*

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now, blue-green meat, that’s REALLY BAD
for you. –Tommy Smothers
*

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of
twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
–Norm Crosby
*

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their
friends
thought I didn’t exist. –Aaron Machado
*

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit
going to those places. –Henny Youngman
*

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can
be the designated driver. –Jay Leno
*

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I
win
or lose. –Darrin Weinberg
*

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life
in
which you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you. –Fran
Lebowitz
*

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a
coffin. –H.L. Mencken

Bob Sieman Butterfly Cross
*

It ain’t so much the things you don’t know that get you in trouble.
It’s the things you know that just ain’t so. –Artimus
Ward

The best place to find jokes, follow me on Kindle.

Sell Art Online

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to overcomplicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in hard copy and Ebook format.

Photography Prints

Did They Really Say That

Did They Really say that?

“On the one hand, we’ll never experience
childbirth. On the other hand, we
can open all our own jars.”
Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)

“Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.”

Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner – 1996)


“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane Either
you have diarrhea, or you’re eager to meet people who do.”
Henry Kissenger (former US Secretary of State)

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee-the natural
enemy of a tightrope walker.”
Dan Rather (News anchorman)

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid
problem?'”
Arnold Schwarzenegger

“I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty.
Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing
quite well for themselves.”
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like
and just give her a house.”
Rod Stewart

Follow me on Kindle for your chuckles.

Celebrity Quotes

 

(1) “Instead of getting married again, I’m
going to find a
woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” * Steven
Seagal

 

 

(2) “The problem with the designated driver
program, it’s
not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it,
have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the
wrong house.” * Jeff Foxworthy

(3) “If a woman has to choose between catching
a fly ball
and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life
without even considering if there is a man on base.” * Dave
Barry

(4) “Relationships are hard. It’s like
a full time job, and we should
treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you,
they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance
pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a
temp.” * Bob Ettinger

(5) “My Mom said she learned how to swim
when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they
weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.” * Paula
Poundstone

The Time Traveler’s Wife

(6) ” A study in the Washington Post says
that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of
that study: Uh, duh!” * Conan O’Brien

(7) “Why does Sea World have a seafood
restaurant? I’m
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. . I
could be eating a slow learner.” * Lynda Montgomery

Sell Art Online

(8) “The day I worry about cleaning my
house is the day
Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.” *
Roseanne

(9) “I think that’s how Chicago got started.
A bunch of
people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and
the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.'”
* Richard Jeni

(10) “If life was fair, Elvis would be
alive and all the
impersonators would be dead.” * Johnny Carson

(11) “Sometimes I think war is God’s way
of teaching us
geography.” * Paul Rodriguez

Get your kicks ,follow me on Kindle.

 

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world, When looking back in history, I soon discovered this has always been a problem, Benjamin Franklin once said, ”Of all the senses, common sense seems to be the one that is used the least.” As obvious as it may seem, many seem to be totally oblivious to it. Most, if not all of the problems the world faces today could be solved if people would just sit back and think about what would seem to be the most obvious and simple solution to any issue. Often times people tend to over complicate the issues. I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice. It is now evident they were a lot smarter than we gave them credit for. Many times, in today’s world, the schools and universities can no longer be counted on to teach truth and values that will guide someone through life.

Available in Hard Copy and Ebook Format.

Andy Rooney


Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in
with your bills now? Like bills aren’t distasteful enough,
they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I
put garbage in with my check when I mail it in.
Coffee grinds, banana peels…I write, “Could you throw this away for
me? Thank you.”


*

Fabric Softener:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for.
Then I
noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) ‘Married’ (walk off). That’s
how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it’s hard
to
get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
*

Cripes:
My wife’s from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome.
They use words like ‘Cripes.’ For Cripe’s sake. Who would that be, Jesus
Cripes? The son of ‘Gosh?’ of the church of ‘Holy Moly’.
I’m not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in
‘Heck’?
*

Pregnancy:
It’s weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, ‘Oh
my.
He’s kicking. Do you wanna feel it?’ I always feel awkward reaching over
there. Come on! It’s weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don’t do
that when I have gas. “Oh my…give me your hand…It won’t be long
now…”
*

Grandma:
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, ‘Sexy
Senior
Citizen’. You don’t want to think of your grandmother that way, do you?
Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that
dollar
she gave you for your birthday.
*

Reverse Life Cycle:
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life
is tough. It
takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death.
What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should
die
first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get
kicked
forty out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You
work
years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs,
alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school,
you
become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little
baby,
you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…you
finish
off as a gleam.
*

Prisons:
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house
each prisoner?
Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I’ll take a few prisoners into my
house.
I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don’t think
we
should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to
run
twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they
don’t
want to run, they can rest in the chair that’s hooked up to the
generator.
*

Award Shows:
Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have
awards
for commercials. The Cleo Awards. A whole show full of commercials. I
taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole
thing.
*

Phone-in Polls:
You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues?
Did
you
ever notice there’s always like 18% “I don’t know”. It costs 90 cents to
call
up and vote…They’re voting “I don’t know.” “Honey, I feel very strongly
about
this. Give me the phone. (Into phone) I DON’T KNOW! (hangs up,
looking proud) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you’re
not
sure about.” This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say
“I’m
not in the mood.”
*

Answering Machine:
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone’s
answering
machine? “Hi, It’s a great day and I’m out enjoying it right now.
I hope
you
are, too. The thought for the day is ‘Share the love’. Beep.” “Uh,
yeah…this is the VD clinic calling…Speaking of being positive, your test
is
back. Stop sharing the love.”

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Charlie Sheen Jokes

Charlie Sheen

Q: How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?
A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Q: What’s a bigger lie than Lindsay Lohan pleading “Not Guilty”?
A: Charlie Sheen saying he’s sober and a feminist.

Actor Charlie Sheen’s Mercedes was stolen and driven off a cliff. The
car thief didn’t want the car, he just wanted to provide the perfect
metaphor for Charlie Sheen’s career.

Q: What’s the name of the new Charlie Sheen sitcom?
A: Two and a Half Personalities

Q: Why is Charlie Sheen planning a trip to Australia?
A: He wants to watch his career go down the toilet counterclockwise.

Charlie Sheen’s stolen car was found crashed at the bottom of a
cliff. Sheen cleared himself of any involvement by claiming that at the
time of the crime, he was home beating his wife.

Q: Why did LAPD take away Charlie Sheen’s guns?
A: They were hoping it would stop him from shooting his mouth off.

Q: Why does Charlie Sheen say he has “Tiger’s blood”?
A: Because his wife chased after him with a nine iron.

News reports note that Charlie Sheen’s wife was arrested in 1996 for
DUI, then later for cocaine possession. Which answers the question, “So,
how did you guys meet?”

Q: What’s the difference between Charlie Sheen and Leonardo DiCaprio?
A: Charlie knows what’s it really like to be on a sinking ship.

Q: Is it true that the show “Two and a Half Men” will continue without Charlie Sheen?
A: Yes — but they’re renaming it to “Two Men”.

The Hanes underwear company has suspended Charlie Sheen as spokesman.
Sheen will instead become the new spokesman for Fruit-of-the-Loon.

Q: Is in true John Stamos was asked to replace Charlie Sheen on the show “Two and a Half Men”?
A: No. However, Martin Sheen has asked him to be his son.

Q: What is the Groundhog Day tradition for Charlie Sheen?
A: Charlie sticks his head out of his house, and if he sees his drug dealer, we can all count on six more weeks of porn stars.

Funny? Follow me on Kindle.

Gary’s E Books

The author has been a writer/photographer for over thirty years. Specializing in nature and landscape photography, as well as studying native cultures.

His travels have taken him to most of the United States, as well as Australia, Belize, Egypt and the Canary Islands.

He has studied the Mayan culture of Central America as well as the aborigines of Australia. Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in various parts of the world.

He has published several books about his adventures.

For more information, please consult his website,www.journeysthrulife.com.

Your comments welcome

 

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