Signs of the Times

In the front yard of a funeral home, “Drive
carefully, we’ll wait.”
*
On an electrician’s truck, “Let us remove your
shorts.”

*
Outside a radiator repair shop, “Best place in town to take a
leak.”
*
In a nonsmoking area, “If we see you smoking, we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate action.”
*
On a maternity room door, “Push, Push, Push.”
*
On a front door, “Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except
the dog.”
*
At an optometrist’s office, “If you don’t see what you’re looking
for, you’ve come to the right place.”
*
On a taxidermist’s window, “We really know our
stuff.”
*
On a butcher’s window, “Let me meat your needs.”
*
On a fence, “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is
expensive.”
*
At a car dealership, “The best way to get back on your feet — miss
a car payment.”
*
Outside a muffler shop, “No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you
coming.”
*
In a dry cleaner’s emporium, “Drop your pants
here.”
*
On a desk in a reception room, “We shoot every 3rd salesman, and
the 2nd one just left.”
*
In a veterinarian’s waiting room, “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit!
Stay!”
*
At the electric company, “We would be delighted if you send in your
bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”
*
In a Beauty Shop, “Dye now!”
*
On the side of a garbage truck, “We’ve got what it takes to take
what you’ve got.” (Burglars please copy.)
*
In a restaurant window, “Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in
and get fed up.”
*
Inside a bowling alley, “Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin
drop.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean, and studied Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different cultures!
He has published several books about the various cultures he has studied.
For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,

please check his website: http://www.journeysthrulife.com.

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Improve your health, Increase your wealth

Improve your health, Increase your wealth

baby boomers

Each generation from the beginning of our country has contributed to what our country has become. By the same token, no one is perfect. Consequently, each generation has done and will continue to perform acts that it would have been better if some other course of action was taken.
The baby boomers have contributed much and have been blamed for the decline of America. What is the true story?

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Technophoebia

Technophobia

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job
with Microsoft as a janitor.
The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section:
Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, “You
will be employed at minimum wage,
$5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a
form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first
day.

Taken aback, the man protests that he has
neither a computer nor an e-mail
address.To this the MS manager replies, “Well, then, that means that you
virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be
employed.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where
to turn and having only $10 in
his wallet, he decides to buy a 25 lb. flat of tomatoes at the supermarket.
Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes inidually at 100%
profit.

Repeating the process several times more
that day, he ends up with almost
$100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on him that he
could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every
day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits
quickly.

After a short time he acquires a cart to
transport several dozen boxes of
tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pick-up
truck to support his expanding business.

By the end of the second year, he is the
owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks
and
manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling
tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and
children, he decides to buy some life
insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance
plan.
At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his
e-mail
address in order to send the final documents
electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail,
the adviser is stunned, “What,
you don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such
wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where
you would be now, if you had been connected to the internet from the very
start!”

After a moment of thought, the tomato
millionaire replied, “Why, of course!
I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft!”

Moral of this story:

1. The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce
do not need to rule your life.

2. If you don’t have e-mail, but work hard,
you can still become a millionaire.

3. Seeing that you got this story via e-mail,
you’re probably closer to
becoming
a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.

4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you
have already been taken to
the
cleaners by Microsoft.

Get your laughs on Kindle


Fun Pass Promo

Mergers We'd like to See

Mergers We’d Like to
See

There is a merger in the works involving
Polygraph Records, Warner
Brothers, and Keebler. It will be called …
Poly-Warner-Cracker.


*
3M & Goodyear = mmmGood
*
John Deere & Abitibi-Price = Deere
Abi
*
Crabtree & Evelyn and Apple computer = Crab
Apple
*
Zippo Manufacturing & Audi & Dofasco & Dakota Mining =
Zip Audi Do Da
*
Folger Coffee & Detroit Edison & Rolex =
Folderal
*
Swissair & Cheseborough-Ponds =
Swisschese
*
Honeywell & Imasco & Home Oil = Honey, I’m
Home
*
Denison Mines & Alliance & Metal Mining = Mine, All
Mine
*
3M & JC Penney & Canadian Opera Company = 3 Penney
Opera
*
Mattel & Pacific Gold = Ma & Pa
*
Sears Roebuck & Rogers Cable = Buck
Rogers
*
Luvs Diapers + Hertz Rent-a-car = Luv
Hertz
*
Knott’s Berry Farm + National Organization of Women = Knott
NOW
*
Federal Express and UPS = Fed Up.

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Marketing Explained

Sell Art Online

Marketing Explained

The buzz word in today’s business world is marketing. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of the concept.

Well, here it is — everything you need to know about marketing.

You’re a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Direct Marketing.

 

 

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One
of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, “She’s
fantastic in bed.”

That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in
bed.”

That’s Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to
him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I?” and reach up to straighten
his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By
the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.

That’s a Sales Representative.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.

That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your
lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”

That’s Spam.

The purpose in your life.

Now you can follow me on Kindle.

 Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

Your comments appreciated

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?

 

Keep your beer cold photo
Keep your beer cold photo by lifejourneysimages
Check out other Sail Photography at zazzle.com

Detergents take out blood stains

Detergents

Now they show you how to take out blood stains- A pretty violent image there.
 I think if you have a T-shirt with blood stains all over it , maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.
 Maybe you should get rid of the body before you wash it.

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