Redneck Book of Manners

Tips From The Redneck Book Of Manners

General

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re completely certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Dining Out

1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

3. Belching “to make room for dessert” is frowned upon.

Entertaining In Your Home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

3. Waking the children to come out so you can show guests “they ain’t got no birth defects” is impolite. (And bringing them out to show guests that they do have them is considered very rude.)

Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. (However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.)

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 p.m.; others might say ‘Monday.’ If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

Weddings

1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving

1. When sending your date down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to also bring back beer.

2. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

3. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

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Ol' Doc McTavish

Ol’ Doc McTavish

Ol’ Doc McTavish had a slow schedule, and a hankering to go golfing. But by the time he decided to go, his office assistant, Seamus, had already booked three appointments — right in the middle of the day. Doc McTavish came up with a plan.

“Seamus,” he said, “I can’t cancel the appointments, so I want you to see the three patients.”

“Yes, sir!” the always obedient Seamus replied.

The doctor has a great round of golf, and then rushes back to the office to see how things went.

“How did things go?” the anxious medic asks his assistant.

“The first patient had a headache, so I gave him Tylenol.”

“Bravo, and the second one?” asks the doctor.

“The second one had stomach burning and I gave him Maalox, sir,” says Seamus.

“Excellent! You’re good at this! And what about the third one?” he asks.

“Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opened and a beautiful young woman burst through. Like a flame, she undressed herself, taking off everything, and she lay down on the table. She spread her legs and shouted: ‘HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!'”

“Fierce, Seamus!” said the astounded doctor. “What did ye do? for that one?”

“I gave her eye drops!”

Into the wild

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

The wisdom of our ancestors

The wisdom of our ancestors

There is an extreme shortage of common sense in today’s world,
I often think back to what my parents and grandparents believed and said, at the time I thought they were totally out of their mind and ignored it. I now wish I would have listened and followed their advice more often.
It is in this light I have decided to publish some of my random thoughts based on the views of our ancestors.

Photography Prints

Merry Christmas

The most joyous time of the year. 

Christmas is a time to remember what we are thankful for and to praise God for all our blessings. 

Time to remember the birth of Jesus and to contemplate what he means to us.

Let us all be joyous and celebrate the most sacred time in the Christian calendar.

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated and Merry Christmas!

 

Santa was a Guy

Santa Claus Was Definitely a
Man

Here’s why: First, Christmas would be late
every year. The line at the
department store would never move because Santa would feel the need to
‘bond’ with every kid that sat on her lap. The elves would never get any
toys made because they’d be too busy telling her, “No Santa, those red
pants don’t make your butt look fat.” Also, Christmas comes at the end of
the month but I have never heard the REAL Santa complain about cramps
or feeling
all bloaty.

What woman would be even caught dead in a chimney? Gosh, she might
break a nail in there. And what about Santa’s beard? I’m sure you’ll agree
most women look significantly better without facial hair (unless they’re
total
schnauzers).

If Santa was female, she sure wouldn’t have white hair. She’d be down
at
the North Pole Super-X every other day buying a gallon of ‘Clairol Brunette
# whatever’. Plus, women don’t smoke pipes. Also, the sleigh and the
reindeer are not equipped with an automatic transmission, a cell phone or
vanity mirrors. I find it hard to believe a female Santa could whip a
reindeer to get it moving. It’s a widely-known fact coochie-coochie talk
doesn’t work with reindeer.

A female Santa would only bring junk like ‘Easy Bake’ ovens, Baby
‘Puke
‘n Crap’, and worst of all – CLOTHES – to all the little boys in the world
because those items aren’t as threatening as the really cool toys like
‘Johnny Thermo-nuclear Warhead’ or ‘Rock-em Sock-em Robots’ or ‘Creepy
Crawlers’.

And when you leave a plate of cookies out on the kitchen table on
Christmas Eve, Santa judiciously takes a bite from each one to prove he was
there. If Santa was a woman, the whole box of Snackwells would be devoured
and there’d be a sea of empty Ben & Jerry’s containers all over the
kitchen
floor.

And if all that doesn’t prove without a doubt that Santa is a guy,
consider this verse from the poem: T’was The Night Before
Christmas:

“He spoke not a word but went straight to his
work…”

If Santa was female, that line would have
read:

“She wouldn’t shut up, so Christmas was postponed
indefinitely…”

Yep, Santa’s a guy alright, as are most mythical holiday
characters.

Receive jokes several times a week on your Kindle.

Art Prints

Cabo San Lucas

Los Cabos (The Capes) is not actually a town. It is the name Mexican officials bestowed upon tow once-remote Baja California communities.
 
Cabo San Lucas and San Jose del Cabo as well as the stretch of coast that connects them know as the Corridor”.
Cabo
 
Seafarers have long been attracted to the shores of what is now Los Cabios. IN the late 16th century and early 17th
century, according to legend, notorious pirates such as Sir Francis Drake and Thomas Cavendish concealed themselves in the bays and coves along the southern coast of the Baja Peninsula, slipping out to ambush passing Spanish Galleons.
 
Later, Spanish missionaries attempted to convert the Guaycura and Pericu natives to Christianity, but by the early 1800s, Spanish soldiers and European diseases had decimated the indigenous population.
 
After the missionaries moved on, the rocky spires and arches that characterize the southern tip of the Baja California went pretty much unnoticed until after world War 11 when private planes began flying in such dignitaries such as John Wayne and Bing Crosby to go deep sea fishing.
 
Because the area was remote and difficult to reach,it remained the private hideaway of a few well-heeled travelers until the 1970s when the Mexican government completed the Trans peninsular Highway. The highway gave Californians a straight shot to the tip of the Baja California.
 
It’s one of the most poplar destinations of the region. It boasts fine beaches,luxurious surroundings, lively nightlife, and some of the best sport fishing in the world.
 
Cabo San Lucas, with a population of 60,000, is the fastest t growing of the two towns, in the past few years, swanky new hotels and condos have filled the landscape along the 20 mile corridor separating the two towns.
Superb sport fishing put Cabo San Lucas on the map, but non-fisherman will enjoy the thriving beach community as well.
The coastal Highlights tour highlights dramatic desert terrain and showcases resort development.
 
You’ll also spend time in the traditional town of San Jose del Cabo.
 
By the 1930s, a small fishing village and cannery occupied the north end of the Cabo San Lucas harbor, inhabited by approximately 400 hardy souls.
 
The cape region experienced a sport fishing craze in the 1950s and 60s. Due to the prolific bill fishing, waters off the peninsula’s southern tip earned the name “Marlin Alley”, Fly in anglers and wealthy pleasure boasters brought
back glorious stories of this wild place which fueled population growth to around 1,500 by the time the Trans peninsular Highway was completed in1973. Following the paved highway link between the United States and
Cabo San Luca, the town transformed from a fly-in sailing resort to an automobile and RV destination.
 

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

Common Sense solutions to complex problems.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow him on your Kindle.

Photography Prints

 

money photography

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

The Priest, the Minister and the Rabbi

The Catholic, the Baptist, and the Jew

A Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, and a Rabbi want to see which of them is best at his job. They decide each will go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it.

A few days later they get together as agreed, and the priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

The other two murmur their agreement that he did a very good job.

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the Baptist, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him!”

The other two murmur their agreement that he did a very good job.

They both look down at the Rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “You know, looking back,” the Rabbi says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision….”

Spiritual activism

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature,landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt,the Canary Islands,much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks,and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Make money doing what you love

Make money doing what you love

This informative Ebook describes alternative methods of making money ,often a full time income in photography even if you have no desire to shoot wedding photography. this book gives examples and websites where you can use your photos to supply you with an income, not only to enable you to buy new equipment, but a living income as well.

 

Sell Art Online

Tourists Complaints

Tourist Complaints

Since 1841, Britain’s Thomas Cook Tours has been leading travelers on new adventures. But not everyone ends up happy. There are supposedly true complaints registered with the travel agency.

1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time — this should be banned.”

3. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”

4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”

5. A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.

6. A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

7. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”

8. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”

9. A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

10. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax. “

11. “We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”

12. “No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

13. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”

14. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

15. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

16. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”

17. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”

18. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”

19. “There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”

20. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”

21. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

22. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”

23. “My fiancé and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

Gary has been a writer/ photographer for over 20 years, specializing in nature, landscapes and studying native cultures.Besides visiting most of the United States, he has traveled to such places as Egypt, the Canary Islands, much of the Caribbean. He has studied  the Mayan Cultures in Central America, and the Australian Aboriginal way of life.Photography has given him the opportunity to observe life in many different parts of the world!

He has published several books about the various cultures he has observed.

For more information and a link to his hard cover and Ebooks, and contact information: please check his website.www.commonsensejourneys.com

 

You can also follow me on your Kindle.

Your comments appreciated

Improve your health, Increase your wealth

Improve your health, Increase your wealth

alcohol

In today’s world, many resort to abusing drugs and alcohol, why are so many becoming addicted and not only destroying their lives but the lives of others around them as well?